Dear anyone who actually still read what I write, I just salute you. Because I am not in my best state now.
Do you ever be so afraid of the authority? Because I am. I never a rebellious kid. Yes, I am legal, in age, way legal. I'm gonna be 25 next year. There goes me that I was so afraid to be rebellious and go out the way to go out of my house. People start going out on 4th May 2020. And there's me, I can't go out because of what my mom, my sister or my dad will say. Do you think I am overthinking this? Maybe. I am so envy looking at people meeting friends, going out with the family without any restriction. I hate this feeling. Being so afraid to even want to buy things online as I am so used to buy things from the store. Being so jailed up in this place, I am not sure I am surviving. Yes, I thank God that I survive but at the same time, I question why am I not dead yet?
So many things I wish I can do if I am a rebellious child. Because I was so struck by my parents especially my mom, I could not be myself. She and my family describe me as a "lazy, dirty" girl. But my friends describe me as "funny, positive, love God, outgoing, hardworking, very clean, good" person.
I really don't know how to end this blog. I just hate this feeling of mine. God, please, I beg you. Please take me away. I am sick of living like this since I was born.