Just caught up with my thoughts as I spoke to a friend yesterday. It was about me feeling some incidents in my life in this crucial season. Then slowly it hits me of the phrase/words, which is "stand up". I know, I know. You may be wondering what's so sentimental about it. Then let me be brutally honest yet polite to you.
Never in my whole life that someone stands for me. I know, you may be feeling and reading like, "what are you talking about?". I think I see myself as someone who always stands up for someone. If someone said he or she is hurt, I tell you, I normally will say, "if I were there that time, I would stand for you. Is okay, silly". And that is truth, proven is truth. Then you must be wondering, not even family, yes, not even them. What is even crazy is, I stand for them when anyone of them was stumbling upon anyone in the family. Yet, I never receive the same treatment. Is not that I am expecting it or anything. It just, "I wish someone do the same to me. Why do I have to cry alone? Angry alone? Why do I have to stumble upon by someone?. Yet no one stands up and said something like, "Hey, don't say that to Heidi. She is not at fault!" or "Stop falsely accused here" instead of just stared at me when I was stumbling upon.
Yesterday conversation, today's writing makes me think that "what's wrong with me? Why is that no one does the similar treatment to me when I always and always fight for someone?". Then I slowly breathe in and said, "maybe God is standing up for me. He is standing up for me spiritually. Maybe I meant to walk with God and stand for myself when no one does". But there is a part of me who felt, "Can't people just stop staring and said, (hey, don't do that to her!)".
Tears shed as I write this.
Is okay, Heidi. God got-chu when no one does.
But please do the same as you always do okay?
Love,
Heidi on 19th June 2021